How bad must the other entries have been for the BBC to select Still in Love With You as this year’s Eurovision effort?
Lyrics warning against the dangers of catching “sneezes or nasty diseases” and urging one another to “take your medication” makes it sound like something the cast of Casualty might sing for Children in Need.
And how is the hideously parochial, faux 1920’s England staging supposed to appeal to voters in Latvia?
The whole thing feels like it’s been written and designed to appeal fans of Made in Chelsea, complete with gurning performers lacking any comprehension of the drivel falling out of their mouths.
Hilariously the closing line of “I’m still in love with you” is accompanied by looks of utter indifference on the faces of singers Alex Larke and Bianca Nicholas.
They couldn’t look less in love if they’d met for the first time just seconds before recording the video. Which for all we know may well be the case.
Clearly attempts to wow Eurovision voters by sending over big name acts didn’t work but how have BBC bosses come away believing this nonsensical mess is the answer?
Bookmakers have already written off any chance of us winning but is it too outlandish to fear we’ll do even worse and become the first nation to come out of Eurovision with a negative score?